I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
He can't just hit it and quit it and then eat your pop tarts on his way out.
When are your genitals available?
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
