The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
You can't special order awesome
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
