think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
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