paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
