everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize