Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
