its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
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