life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize