The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Why the fuck did you text me at 4 in the morning telling me not to have sex with the bird?
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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