Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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