Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I'm slightly more gay than I thought. I'd go so far as to say I'm a top.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
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