i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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