oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
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