and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I'm experimenting with sincerity
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
