he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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