Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
