is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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