I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
Randomize
