Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
