its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
