I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
she looked like the before picture.
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
