The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
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