stop calling my apartment porn island.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Randomize