dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
my very deepest apologies for the unintentional cock block.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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