You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
