The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
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