I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
