Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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