can u get pink eye on your cock?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
