did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
of course. lets lasso hookers.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
