god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
