Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Randomize
