Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Was it you I was with where I saw a guy open a beer with his butt?
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
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