he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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