im sorry i didnt take advantage of you..iwaned to
i wanted you to too
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I think I used my NERF gun during sexual roleplay. Need to re-evaluate my life choices.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
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