My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
Randomize
