her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Randomize
