I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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