New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
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