that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
