dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
