Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
Randomize
