Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
Just high enough for therapy.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize