i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
