I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
