High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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