Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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