everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
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