i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
