Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
