oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
