So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
I CAN MOONWALK!
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
