he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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