Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
