Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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