You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
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