Don't make out with my wife yet
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I also witnessed that same parrot perched on the head of a man grinding with a girl.
Interesting. As a girl I don't know how okay I would be with that.
She seemed pretty into it.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
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