i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
The council and I are about to open up a bottle of malort.
UPGATe: THE COUNCIL AND I HAVE AGREED TO BAHN MALORT FROM THE HOUSEHOLD
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
Randomize
