I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
