my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
WIFE SWAP. FAMILY OF MIDGETS. LIFETIME. NOW.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
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