I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
Randomize
