Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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