I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
