And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Randomize
