Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
