He actually believes he's not an alcoholic if he doesn't go to meetings.
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I've crashed the car, it's a write off. The police are here and I'm dressesd as a crayon.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
