I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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