Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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