Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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