she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
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