Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
