he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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