If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
