It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
I feel like I'm on let's make a deal. should I go with what's behind bulge number 1 or bulge number 2?
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
Randomize
