I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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