you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
