Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
vagina is talking i cant
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Randomize
