see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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